Surviving domestic violence (and coercive control) is challenging, isolating, demoralizing. In many ways however it is just the beginning. When escaping with children, phase 2 of abuse, post separation begins. The devastating impact on children who suddenly find themselves in shared custody with the perpetrator, alone and parented for the first time by the abuser is undeniably retraumatizing. It catapults children into a world of conflict, confusion and danger. Mothers suddenly find themselves living their worst nightmare (and the very reason they often ‘didn’t leave’), their children will be going back to the abuser alone without the protective parent. For boys this begins the grooming and coercion of the  ‘patriarchy-facilitated’  (Applin, Simpson and Curtis 2022) phase, where the new focus of coercive control is the impressionable and vulnerable young male searching for masculine identity. 

As a mum of a traumatize teen boy whose life, health, education and mental wellbeing   spiraled whilst ‘choosing’ to live with the abuser post separation once he hit the rebellious puberty stage.  My journey is one of self-education digesting Dr. Bessel van der Kolk theory on the profound affect of trauma on teenage boys including disrupting emotional regulation, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and difficulties in relationships, behavioural issues, such as aggression or withdrawal, and coping with their feelings. I read, unpacked, summarised and published Maggie Dents writings on boys risky behaviour, confusion and depression followed by Louise Kaplans assertions that the prologue to male pubescence is a violent turning away from females which post domestic violence can contribute to the teen boys aligning with the perpetrator. And finally my opportunity to gain insights from Professor Michale Salter on the impact of domestic violence on teen boys during the Ideas & Society Program: Domestic Violence: Why? What is to be done? 

There is an increasingly shared discourse and understanding about the centrality of Coercive Control in experiences of family violence. Coercive Control is broadly conceptualised as a range of tactics and/or behaviours intended to intimidate, humiliate, degrade, exploit, isolate and control, usually an intimate partner. And we have come to understand Coercive Control as an assault on autonomy, liberty and equality. However, most definitions have tended to describe adults’ experiences of this construct.  Yet this is the world that children living in family violence have to navigate.

Children are of course mentioned as being impacted, even used as a tool of control, but the discourse has remained strongly focused on how children experience being exposed to the violent and abusive tactics used by one adult toward another, rather than how they experience the behaviours themselves.   This presentation will consider Coercive Control in terms of its meaning for and impact on children, alongside some of the ways that we at the Australian Childhood Foundation think that as adults and practitioners we can respond to their hurt.  Within this presentation, we will articulate:

This paper focuses on children and young people who are often the hidden voices of the social crisis of coercive control and domestic abuse in our community. The paper draws from a recent research project, Hidden Voices, which is the first focused study on children and young people’s experiences of coercive control and domestic abuse in Western Australia. The research study maps the nature and prevalence of children and young people’s experiences of and exposure to coercive control and domestic abuse, and the trauma they experience as a result. 

The paper brings into focus the voices of children and young people and what they have to say, their experiences in the family and in their communities, their interactions with the education, health, and justice systems. Our research findings provide important and nuanced insights into how children and young people from Culturally, Ethnically, and Linguistically Diverse (CELD) backgrounds experience and witness coercive control and the different types of abuse within the family contexts. 

Our research also provides important data on the trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control on children and young people, with those who witnessed coercive controlling behaviours having higher anxiety and depression symptom scores. Importantly, this study highlights children and young people’s stories of resistance, resourcefulness and resilience, and the myriads of ways they keep themselves and their families safe in the face of coercive control and abuse. Children and young people are not passive victims; they are often active agents in responding and managing their own safety and wellbeing. Children and young people have clearly spoken in our research about what is important to them, and what is needed to protect and support them to stay safe and heal from the trauma they experience.