Surviving domestic violence (and coercive control) is challenging, isolating, demoralizing. In many ways however it is just the beginning. When escaping with children, phase 2 of abuse, post separation begins. The devastating impact on children who suddenly find themselves in shared custody with the perpetrator, alone and parented for the first time by the abuser is undeniably retraumatizing. It catapults children into a world of conflict, confusion and danger. Mothers suddenly find themselves living their worst nightmare (and the very reason they often ‘didn’t leave’), their children will be going back to the abuser alone without the protective parent. For boys this begins the grooming and coercion of the  ‘patriarchy-facilitated’  (Applin, Simpson and Curtis 2022) phase, where the new focus of coercive control is the impressionable and vulnerable young male searching for masculine identity. 

As a mum of a traumatize teen boy whose life, health, education and mental wellbeing   spiraled whilst ‘choosing’ to live with the abuser post separation once he hit the rebellious puberty stage.  My journey is one of self-education digesting Dr. Bessel van der Kolk theory on the profound affect of trauma on teenage boys including disrupting emotional regulation, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and difficulties in relationships, behavioural issues, such as aggression or withdrawal, and coping with their feelings. I read, unpacked, summarised and published Maggie Dents writings on boys risky behaviour, confusion and depression followed by Louise Kaplans assertions that the prologue to male pubescence is a violent turning away from females which post domestic violence can contribute to the teen boys aligning with the perpetrator. And finally my opportunity to gain insights from Professor Michale Salter on the impact of domestic violence on teen boys during the Ideas & Society Program: Domestic Violence: Why? What is to be done? 

There is an increasingly shared discourse and understanding about the centrality of Coercive Control in experiences of family violence. Coercive Control is broadly conceptualised as a range of tactics and/or behaviours intended to intimidate, humiliate, degrade, exploit, isolate and control, usually an intimate partner. And we have come to understand Coercive Control as an assault on autonomy, liberty and equality. However, most definitions have tended to describe adults’ experiences of this construct.  Yet this is the world that children living in family violence have to navigate.

Children are of course mentioned as being impacted, even used as a tool of control, but the discourse has remained strongly focused on how children experience being exposed to the violent and abusive tactics used by one adult toward another, rather than how they experience the behaviours themselves.   This presentation will consider Coercive Control in terms of its meaning for and impact on children, alongside some of the ways that we at the Australian Childhood Foundation think that as adults and practitioners we can respond to their hurt.  Within this presentation, we will articulate:

We learn from the information we receive from our internal and external environment. Information from the world around us, within us, and between us. When this information leads to an individual perceiving threat there is a shift to survival and away from thriving. For a child to succeed in attending, socially interacting, storing positive memories, and participating in daily tasks; there must be efficient integration of their body, mind and spirit. This is disrupted for children presenting with trauma. Through understanding and interweaving the properties of nature, culture, and sensorimotor activities we can deepen therapeutic approaches to support trauma recovery. Children need the opportunity to connect and share their true unique selves. This presentation will be a journey of exploration and neuroscience, guiding participants through an experience to deepen the understanding of the power of such an approach. Participants will acquire knowledge and techniques to take forward into practice.